Live Without Warning

Is there such a thing as the
theory of balancing out?

My whole of last week was
depressing.
Then today... some parts of
today... was great. Looking
up to be a good week.

Den everythng sinks down
the drain again.
Its hard to think of the good
things that happen. The bad
things only haunts us more.

I only hope everythng will
balance out again.
I feel that I can only get happy
for one period of time only.
After tht i will get bored
again irritated.. argg. is it some
sort of diesease or a normal
thing?

Perhaps it will balance out.
But I had a major breakthrough
today... i jus realised tht I can
never be the person I badly
wanna be.

No one will look at me twice.
No one will think I have personality.

Sorry here. low self esteem
speaking. I just feel... (haha.
lyk i told fizah today) that
'aku rasa posisi aku dah
tergugat.' hah. i dont noe
whther tht seems sensible but
seriously.. its just e way it is.

i feel tht im no where near
anythng...
not in my studies.. not in my
social life...
im lyk a floating piece of wood
not knowing where to go.

N i always pray to god to help
show the right direction to me.
sounds all so serious. haha. but
really. i hope i will be given the
'light'. haha. k. dont laugh.

ok. i quote from this song:
'Well i've got some scattered
pictures lying on my bedroom
floor. It reminds me of the times
we shared. Makes me wish that
you were here...
Cause now it seems I've forgotten
my purpose in this life.."
-- from 'Scattered' -- Green Day.

I just cant thnk anymore. I cant focus.
Maybe it is love sick. well.. wht to
do. I force myself to be in this state.
I better get out soon.

Oh. Finally I told fizah everyting.
my secrets... hehehe. Im glad i told
her. at last i have someone to share
my secrets with. its so hard to meet
fizah everyday n not being able
to tell her how i feel abt tht someone.
N i thnk narimah noes also.. hahaha.
;) kinda slipped out. Well...

All I can say is...
'I will be more vain for you.
I will be all out for you.
But I will never change myself for you.'

Forget it.. I'm gonna ask aisyah for a
favour. That might make me happier.

Basically,
Stress + A level year +my family +
love sick + pessimism = giving up

There.. a maths equation for u.
Hopefully it just can balance out
in the end.